The reason why this post exist for sole reason, I can't express myself else where without getting judged. You know what I mean, esp when it's about the closest people you place at you heart's priority. I just hope that this post gets *ahem* not seen even though my blog is like known. BUT I'm 99.99% sure that it won't even get noticed and I'll be the same old me again, hiding.

I want to be the adult but I want to have care and attention too. It may seem like I'm self-praising but who doesn't ?! Let's talk about facts, you want to have group of friends but you definitely DO NOT want to the all silent type that just follows, you have your own opinion, you voice it out. You definitely would want some attention, whether in pain, happiness or just pure boredom. 

I've been through tough times, if I can refer my past as "tough times", trust me, my story can fill more that ten thousand pages and it still not enough. Everyone has their story but I assure you mine is such a freaking plot twister until your brain cannot absorb the information even if it's right in front of you. After "mind maturing", I know to differentiate right from wrong, embarrassment, the joy of just slacking and definitely what friendship is all about.

I still have my old phones, LG flip phone, Nokia slide phone, the two best memorial phones I had. When I text with my friends during that age, believe me, it was just plain childish. Short forms, random weird keyboard sign emojis (there wasn't a picture emoji back then), spamming etc. Omg hell, I just wanted to turn back in time and mature faster. The photos were worst, random photos of trees, building, games, insects and more. The only photo I had taken with me in it, was with my mom and school photo. Selfies? No such thing.

I've learnt my first lesson ever, forgetting all the nonsense crap you do in primary school, was during Primary 4, I was super close with this friend of mine. He was japanese but we communicated well, we had 4 years of friendship from day 1 of school, just until p4 came, the day where you have to switch classes.

"On that day itself, the school sent the chinese dance team to snow city, when it was still new back then, because we won bronze for SYF, weird huh. However, the day to choose subjects and classes was the same day as well, so I basically had no choice since I wasn't there and whatever the slots and grades were, I was placed at 6-2, the second class, not too shabby. Except one thing, my closest friend left me, not by class but a whole different school. The day itself was last day of school, when I came back from snow city was around evening, so I was just informed of my class by teachers. 

When first day of school came, I didn't match to find my friend during recess, we always ate and played together, we even had a usual sitting place. Until my other friends told me, he changed school. I was just in a loss, there wasn't handphones for us back then, we were just uncontactable. No internet, no phone, no let's meet at this place someday. 

I found out his new school was at Temasek Primary, it was very close to my house and my school but I just didn't know where, I was still a kid. Until his day, I still have no idea. It's really heart breaking when I grow up now and think back, why? Why did this just happen?  "

Anyhow and on p6, I had a major argument with my project mates during CCA, I talked back, scolded, shouted and just left.... I felt so bad 

 I swore never ever to try to show my angry side to any of my close friends.

Ever since that fateful day, friends was friends I believe that will be true to each other, those that were bad influences or those who doesn't want to change has all left me, for one reason, I refused to befriend them. Call me childish but if you're not trying to do the best for any of us as a friend, I'm better off without you.

Secondary school came and past, lots of friends who I considered not really worth befriending had left, those that smoked, ahbeng or just bad overally. However some were just lesser contacts and chit-chats, that we became distant, but hey I still can talk to them happily not matter how long has past. 

I'm not trying to say all those who smoked, ahbeng-ish and keep scolding vulgarities are bad but during that age, it was definitely a no-no, who waste your youth on such thing? There's a saying that You only live once, so do what you can but hey You also only die once, so do the happy things instead of those that will hurt yourself. It is good to try new stuff but not a double edge one.

And through my days in secondary life, I have regrets no matter which way I turn to. School mates, class mates that I could have gotten to known better but couldn't, my experiences makes me super shy (aka actually just scared of whatever may become of us in the future that will eventually have hurt and pain). I thought that far, who wouldn't? By that age, friendship to me wasn't a game or something you can break with "I don't friend you anymore". It's not something accomplishable overnight, neither it's a joke. It's super strong, durable and will never ever fall even in the tough rains and hurricanes, something that will last forever, for eternity.

In the end, the reason for this post? I feel like due to my experiences, I'm slowly have more regrets. There is no such thing as precautional methods and ways to have a best friend forever. You can't be too cautious, you can't be too careless either, you must be kind and honorable but you can't be too kind too. My past experiences is now clashing in what I believe in already, I'm lost. 

So at the end of day, I'd really want to say, cherish.
I'll follow my heart, logic comes second in friendship, whatever happens, my heart will decide.

It's all because of you I had such a long post, even though 99.99% you won't read this but 

Thanks for fucking ditching me all alone. just thankyou.
No hates, but I still don't like what you did, try be in my shoes, do you love it if I did it too? I'm sure you tried before and got all angry and mad at me, well I feel you, asshole.

Love :*

Tenghein.

P.S : Yuma, I still hope to see you someday if fate allows. Let's be friends once again my lost friend.

No proof read has been done.

Because tweeting all day is too mainstream.

12:55AM 131031